


A Birthday Present for Aegi

by ValkyrieSigyn



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Drunk Dwarves, F/M, Gen, Murphy's Law, Surprise Party, Thorin going a bit nuts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:03:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3095840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieSigyn/pseuds/ValkyrieSigyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So it's Aegi's birthday, and Fili, Kili and Ori wants to surprise her. They convince Thorin to be a part of it, since she, after all, has done a lot for them and also suffered a tiny bit because of them (nothing serious though). They make the perfect plan and get everything they need, including a bouncing castle. But as we have learned by Thorin and his Company; everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. So how will this surprise party end??</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Birthday Present for Aegi

**Author's Note:**

> And as you might guess, this is a birthday present for my ever-awesome friend Aegileif <3 go check her out on DA! You find her here; http://aegileif.deviantart.com/ (she makes the loveliest fanart you can imagine)

It was a normal day in Erebor, so it would seem for everyone except a little group of dwarves. They had great plans for a friend they had decided to celebrate a little bit extra on her birthday.

“What about a surprise party??” Kili suggested.

“Well, depends on what you plan to put in it.” Ori shrugged his shoulders.

“Simple. We invite all of the company, get a bouncy castle, a hot tub, lots of beer, a pinata, some punch and lots of food.” Kili smiled. “Of course, we trick her over to where the party is!”

“And how are you going to trick her exactly?” Fili chuckled. “She's been outing you since kindergarten!”

“Simple. You.” Kili grinned. “Come on, pretend that you're inviting her to the pub or something, she will fall for it! She never expects you to be up to some trickery.”

“Yeah right.” Ori grinned. “Like you two never did anything wrong!”

“Fine, you then, Ori.” Kili sighed. “Invite her to the pub, say that maybe some of us might be going there since it's her birthday, and she'll never suspect that we plan to throw her a wild party! Keep her there for... 15 minutes, and then you get her over to the party!”

“Maybe we should invite the rest to the planning?” Fili suggested. “If I know Kili right, he's going to make a hell of a party, we all know that.”

…

“So... your budget says... 450 golders, 567 sterls and 55 coppers?” Thorin said and looked at his nephews. “I wonder what you two has boiled together to ask for this amount?”

“You see, it's Aegi's birthday...” Fili started.

“I know.” Thorin said and looked at him, leaning back on his chair and holding up his hands like a pyramid and looking quite suspicious. “Go on.”

“And she deserves a real birthday party, since... Well, all the things she's gone through the last year because of us.” Fili said and smiled a bit.

“Explain.” Thorin said and rested his elbows on the desk in front of him, his expression telling them nothing about what he thought.

“Like Dwalin's birthday in February, when she ended up dragging 5 naked and drunk dwarves up from the river...” Kili said. “You being one of them, funny enough.” Thorin's eyes seemed to twinkle a bit in amusement, Kili tried to ignore this while Fili tried to not blush. “And then there was that spider nest she stumbled across in Oin's office as she was fixing that door, and we all know how much she likes spiders at the size of an average pony.”

“I will never forget the screams... Or how violently she stabbed them...” Fili sighed.

“And then there was that time she was delivering something to Bard from us, and he happened to have 'happy naked sunday' in his office.” Kili said and tried to not smile – it was still too entertaining.

“She learned to knock on the door, that day.” Fili snickered. “Oh, and don't forget how hard she's been working in general; she works as much as three of us do. So I just thought she deserved a proper surprise party.”

“And the guest list?” Thorin asked and lifted his eyebrows.

“The company. Gandalf and Bilbo happens to be in Dale too, so they said they will be coming.” Kili grinned.

“Yeah, Bilbo's here on a holiday, he'll be coming over to Erebor next week.” Thorin said. “Got his letter this morning, he decided to go on a road trip.”

“Road trip?” Fili asked in surprise.

“Yes, he'll be going to the Iron Hills after a week here. I suspect he liked Dain's daughter a bit too much.” Thorin said and frowned.

“You're kidding – DORIS?!” Kili almost shouted.

“And I've heard she liked him pretty much too.” Thorin said and there was something that looked like amusement on his face. “I wish I could be there to see Dain's face!”

“Uhm, yes... But what do you say? Is the budget fine?”

“If there's a bouncing castle and unlimited access to beer, it's fine!” Thorin smiled and signed the check. “And as you pointed out Fili, we need to get rid of some gold, so why not do it by throwing a good surprise party?”

*

“Where's Fili?” Kili asked and picked up a cupcake.

“Don't start eating yet!” Thorin commanded. Kili just stared at him and pushed the entire cupcake in his mouth and chewed slowly while staring Thorin in his eyes, glazing all around his mouth, making him look less of a royal than Thorin found acceptable. “Just because I didn't allow you to eat half the glazing when we were baking-”

“Revenge is so sweet.” Kili grinned and held out a cupcake for Thorin. “Here, have one. I know you want it. Your body craves the sugar after a long day of decorating, baking and preparing and no meals.”

“Kili, stop.” Thorin rolled his eyes.

“You need nutrition if you're not going to pass out after the first beer.” Kili smiled and laid his arm around his uncle's shoulder and held the cupcake in front of him. “One won't harm.”

Thorin sighed and took the cupcake. “Well, one...”

…

“What's this?? Where's all the cupcakes??” Dori shouted as he couldn't find them.

“I haff' no idea!” Gloin hicked and smiled to him.

“Gloin, are you drunk??” Dori asked and stared at the red-haired dwarf.

“Wha'??”

“What have you been drinking??” Dori put his hands to his hips.

“That punch, wondehrful stuff!” Gloin grinned.

Dori ran over to the punch table – at first it seemed fine, but as he smelled it, it was clear that there was more than just the usual spirits. He started to look around, and he didn't have to search for a long time until he found some bottles of stronger spirits hidden in a casket. “Who did this?!” Dori hissed under his breath.

“What?” Bofur asked with his usual grin.

“Who spiked up the punch?!” Dori asked and stared at Bofur. “Gloin's drunk already!!”

“Spiked? I thought Dwalin just added the last spirits!” Bofur looked shocked. “And why is the punch almost gone?”

Then they heard some really loud laughter, and as they ran into the neighbour room, they found the source; Thorin, Dwalin, Bilbo, Balin, Nori and Kili were playing spin the bottle and Bombur was halfway through the birthday cake already. On top of it all, all of them seemed to be so drunk that they would hardly remember their names.

“I can't believe it.” Dori whispered.

“Me neither.” Bofur said and stared at his brother eating the last piece of the cake. “I run to the bakery and find a new cake.”

*

“What's this?” Bilbo asked and picked up a tiny bottle on the floor.

“Oh, that's my smelling salt.” Thorin said and looked at it with narrow, drunk eyes.

“For what?” Bilbo asked curiously and opened the bottle.

“You know, sometimes the gold in here makes me a bit weird, this gets me back on track.” Thorin shrugged his shoulders and downed more beer. “Would you keep an eye on it tonight? You see I'm already losing it around.”

“Suuuuuure...” Bilbo smiled – the scent was heavenly. His fingers were tickling and by some reason the gruff dwarf voices sounded sweet and gentle and the sensation sent shivers down his spine. Was this the reaction you were supposed to get, or was the effect really strong on small hobbits? No problem, Thorin, he would take _very_ good care of it tonight.

*

“Fuck fuck fuck!” Fili cursed under his breath as he ran to the party house. At least they had got everything prepared earlier that day, the hot tub was getting warmed, all the food was ready, the cake was decorated and the punch was ready. Now it was just Fili being very delayed because of that bloody plumbing back home that seemed to be a never-ending problem.

He ran through the doors and the chaos that met him was of a dimension he had never seen before; Thorin had occupied the bouncing castle and yelled “EREBOOOR!” at anyone who tried to speak to him, Bombur had fallen asleep with his face buried in the last remains of the birthday cake, and Bilbo rolled around under the table and giggled about rainbows around his feet. Oin and Bifur crawled up in the hot tub, naked and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

“FUUUUUUCK!!” Fili groaned and buried his hands in his hair.

In the next moment, Gandalf and Bofur arrived with a new cake. “We'll lock this one up!!” Bofur hissed.

“What happened?!” Fili screamed.

“I have no idea, but it all started with Thorin getting high on sugar and Dwalin spiking up the drink!” Bofur groaned as he hid the cake.

In the next moment Gandalf stumbled and fell, and his staff hit Bofur's hat and with a loud _POOF_ the hat was on fire. Bofur screamed and aimed for the hot tub and dived into it while Gandalf was running as fast he could and apologized, while Fili just buried his face in his hands – he wondered if his sober state would impress Aegi or not, so he decided to just drink a bit from the spiked punch. At least that would give him some courage.

*

Aegi entered the pub and she spotted Ori right away. She smiled as she saw him wink her over and he pushed a beer over to her. “Been waiting for long?” she asked and hooked her cloak off.

“No, I just sat down. Good timing, as always.” he smiled to her.

“I'm more worried about the others.” she chuckled and took a large sip of her beer.

“You'll see them soon enough, don't worry.” Ori smiled and waited for the right moment.

…

“I'm getting another beer.” Aegi smiled to Ori as she downed the rest of the beer ten minutes later.

“Actually, I know of a better beer you might like to try tonight.” Ori grinned and got up from his chair.

“What?” Aegi looked at Ori with surprise.

“Let's just say that you won't regret.” Ori grinned and picked up his cloak. Aegi decided to follow him – he seemed to be up to something, and she wanted to know what it was.

*

“I... I don't even know...” Ori whispered as they opened the door and saw the chaos inside.

Thorin was smashing the pinata and screamed and roared the best he could. “VENGEANCE SMAUG, VENGEANCE!!! HOW DOES IT TASTE, SLUG?!?!” for the record, the pinata was formed as a pony in rainbow colours.

Fili came running and looked shocked as he saw Aegi. “Oh dear, I don't know what to say...!” he seemed so embarassed, and his breath smelled of beer. “It was chaos as I came here!”

“I... see that!” Aegi said with a small grin and tried to not burst out laughing.

“This is the wort surprise party ever!” Ori buried his face in his hands.

“Are you guys kidding me?” Aegi said and looked at Ori and Fili. “Did you make all this for me?”

“There's not much left...” Fili sighed. “But yes, it was for you.”

“You guys are so sweet!” she smiled and kissed both of them on their cheeks.

“But here's chaos! But... we could always go the pub...” Fili suggested.

In that moment Thorin crawled over the body of the ruined pinata, a few feets over the floor and away from the candies, and puked.

“No, this is too much fun.” Aegi grinned and threw her cloak to the corner. “LET'S GET THE PARTY STARTED!”

*

“This... is the longest night I can remember...” Fili whispered. They were the only ones left in the hot tub, which was no longer especially hot. Balin had just left them and fell asleep in a couch inside.

“It's actually mid day by now...” Aegi said and rubbed her eyes. “I'm sober again.”

“So am I.” Fili said and looked over to her her. “Though, you actually got to draw dicks on all the other guys here.”

“I'm really pleased with the one on Kili's nose. It's just perfect.” Aegi grinned and leaned over the edge of the tub to look at Kili who was sleeping naked on the floor beneath it.

“I don't know... Should we go to bed? Just so we won't have to be the ones starting to clean up this place.” Fili said and his heart skipped a beat as he realized Aegi was smiling at his suggestion.

“Is there a bed in this house?” she asked and started to crawl out of the tub.

“Many!” Fili smiled and followed her.

They carefully trotted through rooms and halls, only cowered by a towel, over turned tables and sleeping bodies. Over Thorin who was only cowered by a party hat placed at a strategic place, slipping by Gandalf sleeping in the staircase, and sneaking around a pile of dwarves in the kitchen.

“I think I like this room.” Aegi said as they made it to the bedrooms and they slipped in and carefully closed the door.

As Aegi pulled the curtains, Fili walked up behind her and turned her around to face him. “I like it better when you're in here with me.” Fili said low and embraced her.

“Strange.” she whispered back. “I feel the same way with you in here.”

“Then why are we just standing here?” Fili asked as he lifted an eyebrow.

“I have no idea...” Aegi smiled before their lips met. Definately the best birthday party ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously consider to let Gandalf run around in Erebor and stop people at the street, yelling "YOU SHALL NOT PASS". You can add that as an additional bonus while Fili and Aegi sneaks away.


End file.
